I wanted to tear you down. To have our scars finally matched. I was trying to be cold. I needed you to be hurt. But I’m unable to presume this behavior. I can’t. I can’t help but give in. I guess I’m just not a vengeful spirit, like I wish I was.
It’s nothing personal, but I don’t trust people in general. I’m fully aware that I have friends that I can confide in certain things and others not so much. But there’s usually conditions. Limitations. I’m done with telling people every little thing. I think it’s exhausting. And stupid. I try every once and awhile to open up, I guess, but there ends up being a reason why I shouldn’t have done that. If you don’t know much about me, there’s one thing you should know by now: if I tell you something and I make it clear I’m telling you this in confidence, then keep it that way. Otherwise, anytime I do want to tell you something, I will hold back.
The thing is, it’s difficult for me. Who knows who’s being genuine nowadays. It’s not like I prefer to figure things out on my own. But that’s what happens. I know I have friends that are just around long enough to hear some juice. And at the same time, I have those who sincerely hold concern for me. But the way things are going, it’s getting rather tricky figuring out who those people happen to be.
had the chance to express fully how things have been lately. And I don’t think I can. But then again, when can I ever? I’ve always been pretty bad at such things. Perhaps maybe I just like to think so. Just so I have an excuse not to answer certain questions. Before I start to ramble, back to the point.
These past few days. Week. Pfft, few months. Have caught me off guard. I’ve begun certain projects, yet to finish some and find myself uncertain in continuing with others. There have been multiple times where I find myself saying, “How the hell did I put myself into this situation?” But fuck it. Who dies without a few scars anyway, right?
Just so you know, I only said that to convince myself that it’s okay to fuck up. Which I tend to do a lot.
“I want a soul mate who can sit me down, shut me up, tell me ten things I don’t already know, and make me laugh. I don’t care what you look like, just turn me on. And if you can do that, I will follow you on bloody stumps through the snow. I will nibble your mukluks with my own teeth. I will do your windows. I will care about your feelings. Just have something in there.”—Henry Rollins (via hardlygolden)
“And because there is something they can’t see people think it has to be special, because people always think there is something special about what they can’t see, like the dark side of the moon, or the other side of a black hole, or in the dark when they wake up at night and they’re scared.”—The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon (via thechocolatebrigade)